From the very start, it felt like he was always trying to win everyone over. He was terrified that one day, people would stop liking him and send him back to the orphanage. So he worked hard to be clever and good.
I remember back in elementary school, I was playing with Caleb Brooks once. He bullied me. I got angry and pushed him down. He started crying loudly, and his mother came running.
She scooped him up and coaxed him, asking what happened. Caleb pointed at me without saying a word. I’ll never forget the look in his mother’s eyes when she glared at me. It was pure anger and disgust.
That look gave me nightmares for a long time. I was scared I’d be sent back.
Luckily, I wasn’t. But I learned my lesson. I couldn’t cause trouble. I couldn’t afford to make a single mistake.
So I became more and more careful. After that, no matter how much Caleb bullied me, I never fought back or even reacted. Eventually, he got bored with me and stopped bothering me altogether.
As we grew up, people always praised Caleb. They said how much better he was than me. I just sneered inside.
No matter how many times he called me his cousin, I could never see him in a good light.
In elementary school, I had no foundation in my studies. I could never keep up. My mom always made me go to bed early. She was afraid I’d be late for school the next day. Besides, she and my dad had to work, so they ignored me.
I’d hide under the covers and keep reading until I fell asleep. That’s how I ruined my eyes. Later, I had laser surgery to fix my vision.
So in my memory, I was always studying hard. I got good grades and won awards. I made my parents proud of me.
But it was all because I felt insecure. Because I wasn’t their real daughter. I was their adopted child. If I couldn’t make them like me, they could send me back anytime.
Before college, I held onto that fear. I lived with it every single day.
In high school, I went to the same school as Alexander Sterling. That was the happiest time of my life.
I secretly liked him. I didn’t dare let him know. I just quietly cared for him and silently adored him.
When Alexander actually came to me, I couldn’t believe it. I was terrified it was all just a dream. And dreams always wake up.
In the end, it turned out to be a dream after all. It just lasted so long that I thought it was real.
Back then, Alexander wanted to be an explorer. His family was rich. He was the youngest child, so he could do whatever he wanted. He was so carefree that everyone envied him.
To become an explorer, he trained his body constantly. He took me camping and mountain climbing. He taught me how to swim. He even took me to Misty Isle to teach me diving.
We broke up before we could go to Misty Isle together.
That year, before he finished his studies, something terrible happened. His beloved older brother died in an accident. When he got the call, he booked the earliest flight and rushed back. He didn’t bring anything except his passport, wallet, and phone. But he still remembered to ask me if I wanted to go back with him.
I agreed without hesitation. Maybe that was the most impulsive thing I’ve ever done.
Only after I arrived at the Sterling Mansion did I truly understand how wealthy his family was. And how far apart we really were.
At first, Alexander took me to meet his family. But he couldn’t take care of me. The Sterling family was in chaos. He had to step up and take control.
Imagine a spoiled rich kid who only knew how to eat, drink, and have fun. Suddenly forced to stand at the front and bear all the pain.
And I didn’t notice any of that. I was too busy with my own problems.
After a few days at the mansion, a maid came to tell me that the old lady wanted to see me. I was still young and naive. I wanted to please the woman who might become my mother-in-law.
But she was just waiting to pour cold water on me.
When I met Eleanor Sterling, she spoke to me in a very calm tone. She wasn’t even as upset as someone who had just lost a son. She was so calm it felt like she had no emotions at all. But it chilled me to the bone.
Finally, she got to the point. She said she didn’t approve of me being with Alexander. That sentence dragged me down from the clouds.
I tried to reason with her. I tried to defend my love for Alexander. But the truth was naive and ridiculous.
She had investigated me. She knew everything about me. She knew my parents weren’t my real parents. She knew I had been sold by human traffickers several times. She thought my background was impure. She said I wasn’t worthy of her precious youngest son.
I got excited and argued with her. But later, I realized it was useless. All I did was make myself look even more pathetic.
Her threat worked in the end. I was terrified of Alexander finding out about my past. I was scared of the look in his eyes. I couldn’t even bear the thought of him breaking up with me.
So I said it first. I told Alexander I wanted to break up. I said I couldn’t accept his family background. I said I didn’t love him that much anymore. I said we weren’t right for each other.
Then, ignoring his pleas for me to stay, I went back to school alone. At that moment, I held my head high. I thought I had done something brave. Even though my heart was crying.
Later, I realized I had only defended my pathetic pride. And I lost my love forever.
In the years that followed, I lived like a zombie. I studied and worked, trying to become better and better. I thought about it countless times. One day, when I stood in front of Alexander again, I could proudly say, “I am worthy of you now!”
But when I finally threw away all my pride and went back to find him, I realized it was too late.
Alexander got married less than six months before I returned home. The bride I met at the class reunion was a very young, sweet, and simple girl. I never knew Alexander would like that type.
But it was all Eleanor Sterling’s doing. It turned out that in the years I was gone, everything had changed.
Actually, when I first proposed the breakup, I thought Alexander might not look back. That was his personality. But at the time, I could only care about my dignity and pride. I couldn’t think about anything else.
Looking back now, I realize my dignity and pride were built on insecurity. When Alexander was going through the hardest time, I didn’t stand by him. Instead, I abandoned him.
So even if I’m unwilling, there’s nothing I can do. The last bit of dignity I have left is to try not to disturb his life.
In this world, many things can be done over again. But some things only have one chance. If you miss it, it’s gone forever.
If I could turn back time, no matter what happened, I would never leave Alexander’s side. Even if the final outcome was still a breakup, at least I would have fought for us. Even if we couldn’t get married, I would have no regrets. But now, I only have regret.
And now, I’m walking my own path alone. I’m not with Owen Clarke. I miss him, but I don’t want to be greedy for his warmth. I don’t want to run into Alexander anymore.
Maybe one day, I’ll be able to let everything go. I’ll truly start all over again.
But for now, I can only choose to be brave and strong.